Inspire Bohemia: May 2011

Monday, May 30, 2011

I Like God

Taffy - Lisa Loeb (mp3)
Just Like Zeus - Jenny and Johnny (mp3)

God is on Facebook. Almost 3 million people Like Him.

Jesus is on Facebook. He takes many forms. His most popular is called Jesus Daily. 5.6 Million people Like Jesus Daily.

The first thing worth noting is that, on Facebook, Jesus is more popular than God.

Maybe it’s a generational thing. Maybe God doesn’t really quite understand how the Internet works, or how to use those newfangled smart phones. Maybe Jesus is sitting in his wing of their palatial estate in Heaven, with his netbook and Xbox and iPad, checking out the entire world with the electronic powers of modernity. God, meanwhile, watches us the old-fashioned way, with hard work, sweat, and the perfect Omniscient Eyeballs app He uploaded to his own hard drive at the time of Genesis 1:1.

Or maybe this is one more moment where God is a jealous God, and he’s trying not to get too worked up that his Son is more popular than He is.

Jesus was a pretty nice guy in the 33 years he lived, so I imagine God would have a tough time being too angry about it. He would likely be proud of his only begotten son, that whosoever should Liketh him might have everlasting Facebook status updates.

But enough of the cute easy jokes.

In truth, I was strangely troubled that God was on Facebook. I was bothered at people Liking God.

Ultimately, I’m a believer. I believe in God. I can make jokes and trip the sacrilige fantastic because I kid the ones I love. Just ask my wife or anyone else in my circles of affection. I can joke with and about God because I love Him. Which is to say, I don’t Like Him.

And yes, there is a big, big difference.

It just so happens I have a prize-winning author supporting my point. The morning after I encountered God on Facebook, my BOTG pal Bob showed me the NYTimes op-ed from Jonathan Franzen, more or less the message he delivered at Kenyon College’s commencement. Please don’t let the following awesome excerpt keep you from reading the whole thing::

If you dedicate your existence to being likable, however, and if you adopt whatever cool persona is necessary to make it happen, it suggests that you've despaired of being loved for who you really are. And if you succeed in manipulating other people into liking you, it will be hard not to feel, at some level, contempt for those people, because they've fallen for your shtick.

...A world of liking is ultimately a lie.

It’s fair to accuse me of overthinking the whole Like & Love & God thing, especially in Facebook terms. But I can’t get past it.

You can’t Like a deity.
You can’t Like Ganesha.
You can’t Like Anubis.
You don't invite these folks to the local bar for a few brewskis. They’re not peeps you run into at the office Christmas party. They’re friggin’ gods. Take ‘em or leave ‘em. Love ‘em or don’t. But neither they nor us benefit a whit from us Liking them.

Maybe some people think it’s better to invite the focii of their faith to Facebook. Better to include them in the party than leave them in the cold, right? Besides, if the language of Facebook excludes that silly overrated word "Love," then when in Rome... We’ll settle for Like.

I have several beloved relatives and friends who incorporate their faith into almost every status update. Bible verses. Mentions of Jesus. (Yeah, it’s only Christians who seem to feel this obligation.) I’m not the biggest fan of this approach, but at least it feels more real and from a more genuine place than clicking that I Like Jesus, as if that’s accomplished a damn thing.

Using what is a painfully superficial computer program to release a warm and fuzzy Jesus vibe feels like trying to explain a supernova using a pen light. If the catch phrase is “Don’t Limit God’s Power,” how much more limiting and sad can a deity get than to have their own page on Facebook?

I can see Jesus up in Heaven, holding a statue and crying, "You Like me! You really really Like me!"

* -- Side note: The Holy Spirit only has 97 friends. Holy Ghost! has 15,000, but that’s the name of a band, not the third part of the Holy Trinity.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Why Life Is Great

Primus--"Pudding Time" (mp3)

So, we're sitting at Rib and Loin, having finished a mid-week supper. But things are strange. First, we're at a barbecue joint, and none of us has eaten any barbecue. My wife and I went for large, meatless salads, and my daughter ordered a combination of "sides" like okra, mac 'n cheese, etc. So you know it's an odd set of circumstances when a family of three (other daughter still at college at the time of these events) goes to a place full of fatty pork and lots of fried things and orders the light(er) offerings. You just don't say, 'Hey, I'm trying to eat better. Let's go to Rib and Loin.'

Plus, Rib and Loin has about the best sweet tea in the world in huge, all-ready-to-go styrofoam cups with lids, lemons, and straws, but we fiddle with that, too. My wife and daughter order "half and half" (half sweet, half unsweet) and I just get plain unsweetened tea. If this meal were gasoline, ours would be cut-rate, part-water fuel that wouldn't start an engine in the world.

But then, a waitress, not ours, walks up, with a lunch tray filled with smallish, to-go, styrofoam containers with lids on them.

"Here," she says, "Would you'all like one?"

"What are they?" I ask.

"Banana pudding."

"You're giving them away?"

"Yes, we have a new policy: if it gets close to closing and we have a bunch of banana pudding left over, we just pack it up and give it away to customers for free."

"Well, heck," I say. "I'll have one."

"Me, too," say my wife and daughter and our light, healthy barbecue joint meal is shot to hell as we rip the lids off, tear open the cellophane to remove the plastic spoons, and dig in. And it's good.

The waitress moves on to the next table, a couple of older gentlemen. I don't pay much attention, being too into my own pudding, but it's clear that she's having to do a lot of explaining, she's going through the whole giveaway program and how it's free. The man facing me is having a lot of trouble with it. He asks another question that I can't hear and she answers, still trying to give him the pudding. She's got it in her hand and she's holding it out to him, sealed plastic spoon on top. He pauses for several more seconds, then makes his decision.

"Nah, I got puddin' at home."

STOP. For some reason, that statement has struck me as just about the funniest thing I've heard in the last three weeks. I say it all the time. We say it to each other. He was so serious about it. It was such a considered decision. It carried the weight of moral correctness. And having made it, he went back to his conversation, went about his business, while everyone around him either wolfed it down or took it home to loved ones.

It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Was there a little old woman waiting for him with the best bowl of sweet stuff any of us could ever hope to dip our fingers in? Had he promised her he'd wait? Was there just a little left and she was saving it for him? Or was it just an easy excuse, a way to say no? He certainly did agonize over it.

There is a lesson here, and the lesson is this: if you've already got puddin' at home, it's not right to take free puddin' from someone you don't even know, no matter how tempted you might be to do so.

I saw Daniel Webster conquer the Devil. I saw Shoeless Joe Jackson turn down the bribe. I saw Michael Douglas walk away from Glenn Close and back home to Ann Archer, leaving both no reason to ever make a film called Fatal Attraction and a very happy rabbit. Just Say No starts with a plastic spoon that never comes out of its wrapper, never scoops a perfect mix of custard, vanilla wafer, and banana.

But this is my letter to the world. Dear Wife, Family, and Friends, if ever I am out and about and somebody is giving away free puddin', regardless of whether I have some at home or not, I'm havin' it. I'm just not that strong.

My Mother's Garden

Hi there!

I hope everyone the world over is enjoying this beautiful weekend! Monday is Memorial day so we have the day off from work, which means a longer weekend, yay! Here in Miami, Florida it's sunny and hotter than hot! How hot? Well on the short walk from my doorstep to my car my silver Turkish chandelier earrings get hot enough to scorch my neck like an iron!! Sounds crazy, but I assure you it is very true, unfortunately I've been caught off guard like that a few times!

Anyway, I have a great May garden update post coming soon with lots of photographs of my garden and the progress over at Cactus Corner... In the meantime I have lots of photos of my mother's garden that I've accumulated here and there over time and I've finally gone through all of them and selected the best to share with you! Enjoy and stay tuned for my latest garden update tomorrow with a magnificent blooming cactus flower and much more!

You might also like more posts on:
My Mother's Garden
My Grandmother's Garden
My Garden
My Adventures at The Amsterdam Flower Market
Garden Tours

All images in this post are my personal photographs, property of Inspire Bohemia. If you would like to use them please write me an e-mail at InspireBohemia@gmail.com.

Thank you,